BigJohnx13
AH veteran
IF NOAH WOULD HAVE LIVE TODAY
In this age the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South Africa, and said, "Once again, the world has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good people.” He gave Noah the plans, saying, "You have 1 year to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights on that Sunday morning."
One year later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah sweeping in his backyard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit for the ark. I've been arguing with the inspector and he insist that that for that amount of rain I need a proper sprinkler and drainage system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision and is still waiting. Then ESKOM demanded a bond to be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system. They demanded that an Enviromental Impact Assessment study must be completed. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go! We have to plan the use of our electrical tools to coincide with the load shedding schedules of Eskom. I acquired all the tools we needed, but it all was stolen within the first week. When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The traffic authorities said it would take 6 months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed to a mental place. Other government departments ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an impact study on Your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many affirmative action persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The Department of The Interior has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group and must include some people of previously disadvantaged group. The government gave me two choices. I must outsource the Ark building to a trade agreement designated Chinese consortium or use COSATU. COSATU say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, SARS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
I arrange with the local pastor to pick up the people during the Sunday morning service. The pastor explained to me that this will be a fruitless effort. Some people will be sleeping late at this time and other people will be at home mowing their lawns. Some people will be working at the mall to make an earning and the other people will be at the mall spending their earning.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would at least take another 100 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared up, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the country?"
"No," said the Lord. “The Government has beaten Me to it!”
In this age the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South Africa, and said, "Once again, the world has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good people.” He gave Noah the plans, saying, "You have 1 year to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights on that Sunday morning."
One year later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah sweeping in his backyard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit for the ark. I've been arguing with the inspector and he insist that that for that amount of rain I need a proper sprinkler and drainage system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision and is still waiting. Then ESKOM demanded a bond to be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system. They demanded that an Enviromental Impact Assessment study must be completed. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go! We have to plan the use of our electrical tools to coincide with the load shedding schedules of Eskom. I acquired all the tools we needed, but it all was stolen within the first week. When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The traffic authorities said it would take 6 months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed to a mental place. Other government departments ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an impact study on Your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many affirmative action persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The Department of The Interior has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group and must include some people of previously disadvantaged group. The government gave me two choices. I must outsource the Ark building to a trade agreement designated Chinese consortium or use COSATU. COSATU say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, SARS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
I arrange with the local pastor to pick up the people during the Sunday morning service. The pastor explained to me that this will be a fruitless effort. Some people will be sleeping late at this time and other people will be at home mowing their lawns. Some people will be working at the mall to make an earning and the other people will be at the mall spending their earning.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would at least take another 100 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared up, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the country?"
"No," said the Lord. “The Government has beaten Me to it!”
