After 30+years in the Marine Corps, I developed my personal set of rules that I've found quite helpful. Some may disagree with them. Some may be offended (If so, refer to Rule 41). But they are the results of hard experience, and they work for me.
Everyone needs a set of rules by which to live.
1. Cardio.
2. Always kiss me goodnight.
3. And kiss me good morning, too.
4. Life is not fair.
5. Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
6. Celebrate the little things.
7. Never mess with a Marine’s coffee if you expect to live.
8. Bears are not cuddly (See also rules 14, 16, 19, and 21).
9. Never go anywhere without a knife.
10. There is a high cost to low living.
11. After the game is before the game.
12. Never date anyone whose middle name starts with the letter “L” (see also Rule 52).
13. Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing.
14. Never shoot a large calibre man with a small calibre bullet.
15. If you think you’re being played, you are.
16. If you know how much ammunition you have, you don’t have enough ammunition.
17. Never start an ambush with an open bolt weapon.
18. Never involve the lawyers.
19. Double Tap.
20. There are four rules for guns:
1. Every gun is always loaded.
2. Never point a muzzle at anything you don’t intend to destroy.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to fire.
4. Be sure of your target and what’s beyond it.
21. Nobody needs thirty rounds to kill a deer - but don’t forget about the bears, coyotes and wolves who also like venison.
1. First corollary to rule 21: If you went deer hunting for anything larger than roe with a 5.56mm rifle, you might just need 30 rounds.
22. If the Zamboni is on the ice, you’re not.
23. Dark is not a flavor.
24. Don’t waste good.
25. If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.
26. Check the back seat.
27. Respect the Good Idea Cut Off Point.
28. The Cat cannot be trusted.
29. If my dog does not like you, I don’t like you.
30. Always put a stopper knot in a Jib Sheet.
31. Never put a stopper knot in a Spinnaker Sheet.
32. Keys and Cell Phones do not float.
33. Wear Sunscreen.
34. Bring Extra Batteries.
35. Embrace Chaos.
36. Feed your head.
37. Never trust the Army. The Navy can be a bit “iffy”. The Air Force cannot be helped.
38. We keep you alive to serve the ship. Row well and live.
39. Fog lights are for FOG.
40. The volume knob also turns left.
41. You could be wrong.
42. Never walk and text at the same time.
43. Focus!
44. Anything worth doing is worth over-doing.
45. No Wire Hangers.
46. Let there be stoning.
47. Sweat saves blood.
48. The legs feed the wolves.
49. You don’t have enough talent to make it on talent alone.
50. Never run aground with the anchor in the pipe: It upsets Lloyds.
51. If it’s stupid, but it works, it’s not stupid.
52. Wimmin’ is trouble.
53. Any dog that weighs less than fifty pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.
54. Never put an ORSA in charge of anything.
55. Black coffee in the morning. Dark whisky in the evening.
56. Be Polite. Be Professional. But have a plan to kill every person you meet.
57. Wikipedia is not a source.
58. If I have to bail you out of jail, you have to listen to my lecture.
59. Do not speak to someone who is typing a password.
60. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.
61. Think about the term “Special Needs”. Think about who competes in the “Special Olympics”. Then ask yourself why we are leaving the War up to Special Forces.
62. When you put the puck in the net, act like you’ve done it before.
63. Land Nav. Land Nav. Land Nav.
64. I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.
65. If you’re not having fun, you’re missing the stinking boat!
